I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
