I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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