note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
