his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
