Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
