Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
