Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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