i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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