Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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