Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
