Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
