I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
