Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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