I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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