if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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