We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
