Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
