The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
