you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry about my life...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
