There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
