goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize