6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
