I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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