some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
