before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
