That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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