shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize