the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
