i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize