My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
