i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
