Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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