I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
