I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
