first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
