Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize