Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
