My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
