Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
