Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
