She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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