What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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