When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
