Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
