so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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