woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
