sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
