Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
