If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
