I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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