So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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