how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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