Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
