This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
