who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
