if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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