i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
