I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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