He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
