I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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