doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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