1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
