Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
