i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
