I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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