i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
