Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
