we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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