my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
