I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize