Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
