don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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